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|Tuesday, August 8th, 2006|
wow... it's been a while.
so yeah I got some goodies since the last time I was here... a best buy credit card and a guitar center credit card... so I'm going to make an attempt at not going into debt
those goodies are a 60g ipod... a Fender Telecaster, and a line6 dl4 (delay pedal), and my favorite goodie is a small tripd, and wireless remote for my camera... its so cool, now will be able to take steadier shots
oh and I entered a photo contest... I didn't really want to win anything, I just wanted to see how I compare to others in a more broad sense.
apparently, I'm relatively good at this photography thing. 2 out of 5 of my photos are now going to be displayed in an art gallery in London England.
The competition was International.
They wanted us to answer quenstions regarding a random adventure. The photos represent clues to the questions.
1.The first thing you see when you wake up
2. Usual means of transportation
3. Most interesting thing on your adventure
4. Favorite Part of the adventure
5. Where will you be in 10 years
I entered these photos
|Tuesday, March 28th, 2006|
I think i have some sort of axiety dissorder... other than OCD... which is begining to get worse.
I think to myself... "you're an artist, you're allowed to be imbalanced"
I don't like dealing with people because they hardly ever do things the way I want/need them to be done.
But I like people... sometimes
I get annoyed... REALLY annoyed
I care too much what people think of me
I don't get life
no one does... if they say they do, they're lying
I feel like people don't care
they probably don't care
things should get better
I'm very good at giving advice...
I know the answers to my questions
I know things
I know many things
I know when I'm correct
I do not know how to be "normal"
there isn't a "normal"
I need a new life
|Tuesday, March 21st, 2006|
dude, i just copied and pasted my xanga crap to here... it made me think about things i've been trying to forget/get over... weird
LJ is cool... although I write more in my xanga....
I will probably copy & paste my xanga entries here sooner or later... probably when I get out of class... in like 10 minutes ha
|Sunday, March 12th, 2006|
|life and death
Life and Death
So I'm going through a weeeeeeird time right now. I mean really weird. It is very hard for me to deal with death of people I know... I'm sure it's like that for everyone. When the person that dies is your age or younger or about the same age or whatever it's a different feeling. I feel like things are falling apart. I feel like this shouldn't be happening.
It's all so hard to deal with (i keep saying that). It basically takes the faith that I may kinda sorta have in god and diminishes it. I ask for signs and get nothing. I really really really want to believe and "trust in god" or whatever, but when things like this happen.... it makes me want to say screw it, you're all idiots for believing this crap. This and the bottom describes how I feel right now... - Sha
"i hate that i'm so hostile and bitter (and i'm sure everyone else does, too), but it really disgusts me that things like this have to happen in order for me to snap out of whatever the fuck selfish and conceited stage i'm in. i'm so ridiculously ungrateful. as i told somebody earlier tonite, you'd better be waking up each day with a smile on your face... because you never fucking know. really, you never do.
so, upon reflecting, i have completely lost touch with god. religion, rather. why do things like this happen? and i honestly think i'll vomit if someone, anyone, brings the idea of god's testing us to the table. we aren't fucking lab rats, and if we're such intricately-made creatures, whose lives god's own son apparently had to die for, then why do people like dante and david burrall, vivacious, hard-loving, open-minded, enchanting people, with so much more life to live, lose their lives so easily? fuck that. sorry, mama, but i can't keep believing what you taught me. it's just not adding up anymore.
we're all so goddamned petty." - peligrosa
|Wednesday, March 8th, 2006|
|You Failed the US Citizenship Test |
| Oops, you only got 5 out of 10 right! |
|You Are 48% Abnormal |
| You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul. |
You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.
You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.
You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.
You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
|Monday, March 6th, 2006|
okkkk so, i've created a live journal that I will probably update sooner or later.
for now i've created it so i can read my friends' journals and all that.
my xanga name is photo_opp, or you can go to my myspace page... myspace.com/sharc
|Monday, February 27th, 2006|
Me, life, PARAMORE
Me: I am cool... still
Life: I talked to my friend Tasha last night/this morning and I told her something I maybe shouldn't have...
I mean I guess it's nice to talk to someone in the same boat, but man do I feel like I just opened myself waaay too much... (awkward laugh here)
isn't it weird how the word awkward is actually awkward... i mean i think im spelling it correctly , but It looks a tad awkward.
PARAMORE: PARAMORE IS AMAZING. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS BAND. EVERYONE SHOULD BUY THEIR CD.
NO IT ISN'T SCREAMO/HARDCORE/METAL. IT IS AMAZING (ER) i don't usually promote
bands, but this one is amazing... I love Paramore...
|Thursday, February 23rd, 2006|
I am cool..
More on this later...
|Thursday, February 9th, 2006|
|Tuesday, February 7th, 2006|
I feel weird... I feel as though I'm in some sort of dream land that won't let me wake up. I wish things were different.
|Friday, February 3rd, 2006|
so I've changed my blog layout.
I like this one a tad better because it's less depressing.. haha
Perhaps my myspace layout will follow.
I have been neglecting my xanga. I will make an attempt to write more.
|Saturday, April 30th, 2005|
I almost died wednesday night.. early thursday morning, (1:40,2:00 am) I fell asleep driving... the car flipped four times causing glass and other things to fly into my head. I am now missing a big piece of (insert graphic language here) from the back of my head... It's hard to believe I can walk and talk like normal... well sorta, I'm very shaky and i feel awkward. I now have to have the bandages on my head change twice daily for a month. This sucks donkey dick. Although, I did get to meet the lead singer of taking back sunday, and the lead singer of Jimmy eat world (before the accident).
|Monday, April 18th, 2005|
Life is weird... I'm not a "christian" yet I listen to "christian" music, go to different churches, and hang out with people that claim to be "saved". I'm a truth seeker. I wish I could know for certain that the God in the Bible is real. I'm a logical person, and the things I've heard so far have made no sense. I believe there is a higher power somewhere out there, but the biblical God seems far fetched. Someone said there was no reason for man kind to make up the bible. I sorta kinda believe people made it up because they needed comfort in death. "what happens when we die?" In all honesty I just don't know. I'd like to know, I want proof... real proof... like the wind is there because i can feel it, the sky is blue, snow is cold, people can't breathe water type of proof... more on this later...
|Friday, April 8th, 2005|
Most random sunday goes to me... I had lunch with megan, and drove to Memphis with her sunday... The reason was because, well I'm not sure why... We found out the lakers (basketball) were playing that night, but we didn't have tickets or want to buy any from the crazy looking guys on the side of the road so we didnt go... we hung out with ramesses, elvis, and b.b. king, then drove back.
|Sunday, April 3rd, 2005|
Soooo... I believe I have some sort of crush on the newly fro-less sand-opher... (not his real name duh). Weird... anyway, shows have been fun... tragedy is amazing... I've been hanging out with megan a lot... she's rad, but she lives in the boonies. I got my photographs back, and I'm proud to say I know a hottie like Lieblong. Without her being so pretty, I dont think the photos would have looked as nice as they do...
|Thursday, March 10th, 2005|
So I gave in, I did it... So what. It was my choice, and I did it all by myself. If you ask me if I reget it, I'd have to say no in the aspect of doing it and it helping me "feel better." Although I'd have to say yes in the aspect of looking at my arm an seeing the scars. Tisk Tisk...
|Monday, March 7th, 2005|
I've been waiting this whole time
I hid the sharp metal beneath the piles of headphones and CD's,
beneath the old garbage I got from the psychiatrist
I placed it in the bottom of the drawer,
telling myself that I would always rationalize my way out of cutting by the time I got to it
I'm not waiting anymore
I find the blade and remember the calm of simply feeling it upon my palm
Put it in my back pocket so I can use it
Wait for my turn to be happy
Wait for my chance to be free
Wait for my hope of ever being loved
Wait for dreams that will never become real
"cutting doesn't help anything"
But, cutting won't hurt me either
Because I'm already torn apart,
I'm already shattered, already broken
And I will never have what I want
If I had the slightest hope, or smallest belief that I had any chance of ever becoming anything,
then what you would tell me is true...
Cutting would only make things worse
But - I'm not like you
I'm not like anyone
I'm not free, not good enough, and I am incapable of ever being "loved"
There's nothing left to care about
So just let me cut
So that I can survive the pain
If you could feel like me, to feel that this is ALL I have,
then maybe you would understand
So just please, please
Please don't make me stop again
This is what I need
I'm no longer waiting -
to feel the pain
to see the blood
to prove to myself that I am nothing
Because if I don't,
then I'll start trying again,
I'll start believing again
And I'll start expecting again
And God, that is SO much WORSE
|Monday, February 28th, 2005|
I had dinner with 'blong tonight... it was kinda weird at first because we were supposed to chill with Niel and everyone, but I guess he was drunk when he made those plans and too hung over to remember. Jerry was somewhat of an ass when I called to see what was up... but oh well. I almost wrecked the damn car several times, not by my own fault, but because idiots in the other cars drive like stupids... yes stupids. I never noticed how "okay" little rock is... the scenery & cityscape I mean. You know, to have lived in the middle of B.F.E. , I'm surprised you're not use to being in the scary woods... The End